she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
