ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
