He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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