You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want a musical about memes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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