He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
