The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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