I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
