Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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