I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
