now i know why i became what i already was.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
