I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
