I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
