the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
