I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
