Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
