can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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