She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
