Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
