No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
