I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
