My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
