weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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