Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's Friday. Sex?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
