When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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