Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
