K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
