Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
