dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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