You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
