I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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