you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
