My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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