We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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