We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
