Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
