I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
there is puke in my bra ... again
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