I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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