Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
