just tell him i said nine months
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
