I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize