woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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