I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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