Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
