I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
