Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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