Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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