We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
