I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
