dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
