Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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