im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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