I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
