Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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