im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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