I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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