She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
