Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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