YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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