You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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