Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
