i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
