i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
