I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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