Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
