Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
