I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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