real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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