OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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