hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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