i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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